I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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