1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
