maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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