i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
