I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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