So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
