Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
