Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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