My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The air taste purple.
Randomize
