remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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