Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
two words: eviction party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
