he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
