I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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