It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
