We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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