i would punch a child for taco bell
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
