maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish you could order shots online.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
