I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
