just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
