Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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