"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
