He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
