so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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