Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
