so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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