Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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