my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
not ubering you a puppy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
