Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
