Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
