I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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