You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
