p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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