she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In other news, I just burned my penis
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
