So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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