Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
