Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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