What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
