rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Alive.
So much puke
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
