Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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