Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
