booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
third nipple confirmed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
