Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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