Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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