I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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