I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
