Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
