I must be too annoying 4 u.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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