i don't like sucking hair
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
