WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
