You really coming over, don't trick.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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